Dreaming For A Streak

Dear Mr. Francona,

Just checking in. How are the wife, kids and tobacco stash doing? Good to hear, and by the way, you look LOVELY in that retro Brewers jersey. Stunning doesn’t even start to begin how great you look with that ball-in-glove Olerud-esque helmet.

But I’m a little fed up. Actually “pissed off” would probably be the better word to describe my feelings right now. Your Red Sox are riding this 2005 wave like a roller coaster- up and down, up and down, up and down, win then loss, win then loss…it’s really getting annoying. So how bout a streak, huh? Get these guys fired up however you can. If you have to bring in a poster of a supermodel and tear off a chunk of her body like in Major League after every win, believe me, you have the most definite permission to do so. If you have to sacrifice a dead ostrich, go ahead.

All I want is a little taste of August from last year. It was so sweet for all of the Nation- everyone expected a win day in and day out, everybody was running on all cylinders, the Yankees (now Orioles) heard footsteps behind them and the fans knew this was the year. We would like a repeat. I know, I know, Wakefield’s knuckleball is about as effective as Matthew Broderick’s acting in Glory, and Manny’s OBP is extremely low for the amount of cash he’s reelin in. We have to work through those obstacles and break out here.

Right now. I’m not even kidding anymore.

The big win streak begins tomorrow night.

And did you give Millah permission for THIS?