KFC Sucks Anyway

There’s not many players on the Boston Red Sox that I dislike. Actually, I love them all like my brothers, even though they don’t know me and all. But really, I wish them the best at all times, live and die with their at-bats and miscues, yell and scream at the television after Mark Bellhorn strikes out, and I even installed that new window glass so my fist doesn’t hurt as much when I give it a nice slug. Really, I’d do anything for these guys. Mostly with this likable bunch of idiots, it seems my love affair has only gotten stronger. Back on those Jimy Williams teams, there were plenty of players I’d rather see dumping garbage into a blue truck than pitching in the September race. Now, I just adore the entire pack.

But, there’s a slight hindrance. I’ll give you a hint: his first name is Kevin and his last name is Millar. This guy is looking more awful and delusional at the plate every night. It’s sickening to see a rejuvenated and defensive star in John Olerud sit on the bench while Millar half-swings at fastball right down the middle and tiptoes his way back to the dugout. What the hell, didn’t he gain 15 pounds of muscle over the off season? Isn’t he supposed to be improved after getting the nod over Minky over the winter? Millar ranks near the lower portion in the league in both on-base percentage and slugging. His 33 RBI’s are pitiful for a guy that hits after Ortiz and Manny. He has four homeruns in more than 250 at-bats. He’s supposed to be a power hitter, right? Or are the Brandy Alexander’s starting to kick in?

I was arguing with a Millar-lover tonight, and he brought up the fact that I was ranting about Millar, but not Bill Mueller, who has only four homers and 34 ribbies. After looking at the stats, I noticed Mueller has more runs, a better batting average, slugging, on-base, more doubles, triples and is an improvement defensively. The biggest mind-scratcher is that Mueller hits eighth in the order and Millar hits fifth, after Ortiz and Manny. How does the eighth hitter in the order out-slug, out-hit and complete out-play the number five hitter, who sees his fair share of pitches with the RBI kings of the league in front of him. Shouldn’t he be seeing the fattest pitches of his career right now?

To get me even more fired up, I read today that Millar, after Theo picked up Olerud, asked to be traded because of A) he was sucking and didn’t want any competition and B) he’s a whiny, crybaby loser at times who holds too many grudges, He said on WEEI that he only talks to reporters that practically “make friends” with him and don’t write any negatives words about Kevin. Pretty lame, I think. The Cowboy Up, 2004 Believing and all that other good stuff is quickly being washed down the toilet. So, I say, trade Millar and his unproductive behind and let him rot in Oakland.

Even with those reasons, you may think my fuming is a bit juvenile. Not needed. Stupid. Senseless. But look deeper than this. When the ownership tries to improve the team, he becomes threatened and does something he may regret. They’re just supposed to watch you flail around at pitches every game without taking some action? I love what Kevin brings to the clubhouse every day, and how he lightens up the team with his humor and joking. It’s really good for the team. What’s not good for the team is his performance on the field. It’s starting to get ugly.

One of the main reasons I hoped we’d keep Millar over Minky in the off-season was because of how he belongs in the center of the team chemistry, and how he always has something funny to say. But who cares about that anymore, really. We’ve got enough of those guys. When he opened up his mouth and said that the Sox took shots of Jack Daniels before the ALCS games, the ownership was already pissed. And if this “asking for a trade” rumor is actually true, then he’s already got one foot out the door.

Any first basemen on the market?