Wazup

(AP Photo/Ben Margot)

Conversation between Terry Francona, Kevin Millar, Mark Bellhorn, Jason Varitek and Kevin Youkilis after David Wells was pulled from yesterday’s game in the second inning:

Wells: Sorry guys.

Millar: Will ya take a look at that bum walking off the mound. Jeez, even 20-year veterans can pitch worse than a guy named Seth Etherton. Lay off the Dunkin Donuts will ya, bud.

Varitek: Hey, don’t get so down on everyone. We’re only down, what, nine or ten runs. This isn’t over yet by any means. We’ve put up boatloads of runs before.

Francona: Cut the shit, captain, the game is over.

Bellhorn: You’re not bringing in Cla Meredith, are you?

Francona: No, I learned my lesson, thank you very much. He’s sent down to the minors. Mark, you better watch you’re back, mister .222.

Bellhorn: Cheap shot, huh, Tito. Remember. Pole. Game 1. World Series. Tavarez. 11-9.

Varitek: Look at Jeremi, slowly walking here from the bullpen. Any player that has the privilege of playing Major League Baseball for this team should run, hell, even sprint, to the mound. Hustle, that’s what it’s all about, guys. Don’t give me that look, rookie.

Youkilis: No, no, I’m sorry, it’s just funny.

Francona: Haha, guess what Youk. I lit a dead skunk on fire in your locker and sent those hookers I kept locked up in the managers office to your house.

Youkilis: Crap, my wife is coming home tonight.

Millar: Why’d you have to pull Wells so early, Tito? The fried chicken platter is practically gone by now.

Francona: Um, he looked as uncomfortable as Keanu Reeves trying to make a formal speech.

Millar: That was too easy.

Francona: He was giving up more runs than Paul Wilson in a typical first inning.

Millar: You mean Kevin Brown.

Francona: He’s gaining more pounds than Renee Zellweger for a Bridget Jones flick.

Millar: Haha, he said the word “flick.”

Varitek: GUYS! Can we focus please. The Yankees are getting hot just as we’re beginning to stink up the joint. This Oakland team has a payroll that wouldn’t even suit a homeless person, and we’re losing 9-1. WHAT IS THIS? If we don’t get together soon, we’re gonna find ourselves sitting on a futon in October.

Millar: You know what this means, it’s time to Cowboy Up!

Varitek: You guys suck.

Renteria: Hey guys, what are ya talkin about?

Bellhorn: Speaking of suck…